Sexual Intimacy:

Because it provides such powerful material for emotional expression, sexual desire in humans has become our most intimate arena for personal and interpersonal expression.” - Stephen Mitchell author of Can Love Last?

  • I want my partner to want me.
  • My partner doesn’t know how to approach me in bed.
  • My partner acts like sex is an obligation rather than an expression of love.
  • I can never seem to orgasm.
  • I no longer feel attracted to my partner.
  • My partner never initiates sex.
  • My partner and I have sex, but we don’t connect sexually.
  • My partner never wants me to initiate sex.
  • The passion has gone from our relationship.
  • I want to want my partner; I don’t know why I don’t.


One would think sexual intimacy would not be as difficult as many of us have experienced it to be.  Reports show that 1 out of every 2 women, and 1 out of every 3 men, experience difficulty with sex both mentally and physically. This means that having sexual difficulties is completely normal.  The problem is that most of us think it is not normal. Due to social norms, beliefs, and our rather unsettling progression through puberty, we often hide our issues deep in our mind, ignoring them, or cover them up with distractions, while hoping things will get better… with out having to actually do anything about it. Difficulties with sex seldom fix themselves, which is why so many relationships end due to lack of spiritually physical intimacy.

Spiritually Physical:

I say “spiritually physical” because sex between partners can be more than insert “A” into “B”.  There can be a connection behind sex that creates a bond between two people that is experienced when sex is more than just “physical”. I’m not saying that every sexual encounter needs to be a four hour marathon, but an occasional marathon is necessary to help a couple to evolve sexually. So the issue becomes that without sex a couple never learns how to connect with sex, which prevents them from creating a richer, more passionate, vibrant, and loving connection.

My Opinion:

Why do some many of us have difficulty with sex? I could write a book about this (and plan to), but for now I will give a short version. We are biologically designed to begin experiencing sex when as we progress through puberty. While being flooded with hormones telling us to mate, we were conditioned by our social group, religion, educational system, and a number of other institutions to wait until some specific point in our future to have sex; marriage, college, and so on. We are given any number of reasons why to wait, many of which have been proven to be psychologically damaging. Most girls are put on mental birth control and most boys are mentally castrated. So, from the beginning, we create very confusing and contradictory perceptions of sex. Instead of exploring it we are told to ignore it. I am not saying we should allow our children to have rampant sex, I am just saying that not allowing them to have sex has psychological ramifications that can last well into their adulthood if it is not addressed and discussed (which it usually is not). Mental conditioning and sexual confusion do not suddenly evaporate when we become coupled. A wedding night is not a cure for years of confusion, guilt, fear, and other issues created by the fact that our biology progressed faster than our society wished it to. Instead, coupling with another person is just the beginning of a long process of sexual discovery and healing for both partners.

While it is often embarrassing, difficult, weird, and just plane strange for many of us to talk about sex, it gets easier. As a therapist I am able to help my clients deal with issues that they are normally uncomfortable talking about. I can help a couple communicate their issues and desires so that neither one is afraid or offended. A physical connection is vital for any long lasting relationship. The sooner you address it, the closer you will become.

For more information, or if you have any questions, please contact me by phone or email.







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